(Fun)employment is not failure

I am a type-A individual - I crave lists, research, and schedules. I've always felt that if I'm not achieving and succeeding my goals, I'm failing. I have high standards for myself, and often feel guilty if I'm not putting my best foot forward in life. While this has led to great things (graduating college early with two degrees and jumping straight into a job in my field), it has also had it's downsides (stress, unnecessary anxiety, fear of failure).

So quitting my job to focus on my health and my family was really difficult, even though it was necessary.

It's easy to say that 2017 was the hardest year of my life. Over twelve months, my father's cancer returned, my childhood home was sold, I struggled with my physical health, and faced depression. My parents fought, and I was living too far away to be of much help. To top it off, my work life was turned on its axis. I didn't feel like myself anymore.

In January 2018, the company I worked for was acquired. Two weeks after the close date, my entire team, excluding myself, was laid off. With no plans to backfill roles, it was expected that I would pick up the slack for no additional pay. My friends, the CEO and the entire executive leadership team were all gone. Work quickly became an uninspiring, toxic environment.

So I decided give my notice, to take a step back and re-evaluate my life and where it was headed.

It's only been seven short days since I turned in my work badge. A few days following, I headed down to Phoenix to be with my family. In just seven days, I have more energy than I've felt in ages. I've had time to focus on my health, my happiness, and I can honestly say that I feel pretty good. This time is giving me the chance to figure out what I want to do next, what I want to do in my career. I want to make sure I find the right job, not just the next job.

As I write this, I'm sitting next to my dad at the hospital. Chemicals are pumping through his veins as he snores lightly under a heated blanket. I'm studying superfoods, brainstorming recipes and jotting down a grocery list. I feel so grateful to have this time - to reset my mind, be with my family, and soak up some sun.

I'm sharing this with you to say that it's okay to prioritize family and self health over your career. Choosing myself over my job initially made me feel ashamed, like I'd become a failure in my professional life. But now that I've had some time to disconnect from that world, I understand now how important this (fun)employment time is. I have a very long journey ahead of me, and once I get back into the working world I will have to adjust my life again. But that's okay. I'm learning to balance my financial health with my physical and mental health. And right now, that journey is just getting started.